moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
