either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
