I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
