Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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