I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
