i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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