I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
