I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
