i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he thought i was a dude.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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