She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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