I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
