It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's never too late to be topless.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
