Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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