Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
