He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
