did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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