And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
