He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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