It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
