We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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