I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
