HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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