Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
