guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
