were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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