I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
