You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
