i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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