How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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