last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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