Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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