I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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