from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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