why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
