Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
