next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
