I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
