my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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