You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
