these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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