youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
