i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
