I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
