Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
