Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
