my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
