we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
