I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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