thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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