we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
