just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
