i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
