Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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