His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
